Where Did You Go, God?
Before We Gather by Zach Hicks
| Scripture
Read Psalm 42
| Devotion
One of the unfortunate lies that the modern church has inadvertently spun for the watching world is that everyone who goes to church is happy all the time. Gone is the idea that we would ever come to church in sackcloth and ashes. Even if our church has a “come as you are” approach, we’re still fairly put together. Somehow we’re still looking good even in our casual clothes. I wonder what kind of damage we’ve done in the interest of making church a solely positive and happy experience? I wonder if Christians struggling with depression, doubt, and anxiety feel like worship isn’t a context where that stuff gets addressed – or worse, that to struggle with those things shows that you aren’t a real Christian?
God’s only inspired songbook, God’s original Book of Common Prayer – the book of Psalms – doesn’t buy into that kind of emotional exclusion. It’s shocking just how often depression and anxiety fill the language of worship in the Psalms. Psalm 42 is the classic “depression psalm.” Many of us may remember old musical versions of the opening lines of this psalm set to soothing, pastoral, major-key melodies. No knock against songs like these, but I don’t get the impression that Psalm 42’s opening verses are sung from a calm place. It’s a parched kind of thirsting. A sucking- air kind of panting. “My soul thirsts for God” strikes the person praying it as coming from a place not of victorious serenity but of defeated desperation. This hunger and this thirst exist because it feels as if God is absent, not present-far, not near. We’re hungry only when we haven’t eaten in a while.
The psalmist sounds like a desperate worshiper who hasn’t felt God’s presence for a very long time. Are you in that place? Are you straining to hang on to those feelings you once had that nearness, that joy, that rest-that now seem so absent? Has it been a long time since you’ve tasted the sweetness of God’s nearness in worship? The psalmist prays, through tears, “These things I remember, as I pour out my soul: how I would go with the throng and lead them in procession to the house of God with glad shouts and songs of praise” (v. 4). I remember when things were so joyful, God. Where have those days gone? Where have you gone?
Two things about this psalm should be a huge comfort to us and to others who are in this state. First, Psalm 42 lets us know that these feelings are normal human things to feel. The enemy wants to make us feel isolated, alone, unseen, and unknown. He’ll spit the lie at us, “You’re the only one going through this,” and he’ll twist that lie into our aching souls, like a corkscrew, to discourage us until we find ourselves doubting that worshiping God and being with his people have anything of value for us or even anything to say to us. Psalm 42 provides for the depressed and anxious person words not only to sing to God but to sing to God in community with other depressed and anxious people. What a gift!
Second, this psalm reminds us that lamentation is never the end of the journey but is, instead, a marker on the road toward a sure and good destination. Lamentation is the Holy Spirit putting despondent Christians on a path whose certain end is what we’ve been hoping for. “Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise him” (v. 5).
Christians should be encouraged that lamentation in the midst of depression and anxiety is exactly what it looks like to take their crosses (Matt. 16:24). We often think that taking up our up crosses means self-sacrifice. But it also means walking through hardship just as Jesus “walked through” the cross – he endured it with hope for the joy set before him because he saw that one day, on the other side of it, was a promised resurrection, a promised new heavens and new earth. To lament is to hide ourselves in Jesus, to stand “inside” his crucifixion and cry with him, “My God, why have you forsaken me?” (Ps. 22:1; Matt. 27:16). Saying things like, “God, I need you,” “God, I’m dry,” “God, where are you?” is a faithful, Christian thing to do.
So if you’re in that place today, know that as you come to worship, you get to join Jesus’ song. Because before the Psalms were our prayers, they were Jesus’ prayers. And chances are there are many more downcast people who will be walking through your church doors, gathering with you today, looking for the language of lament and hope. Pray that the Holy Spirit comes in power to groan the deeper groanings (Rom. 8:26), for their sakes, for your sake, but especially for Christ’s sake.
| Prayer
Aim your prayers in this direction:
- Pray that those who come in under the weight of depression and anxiety, God would reveal Himself personally and tangibly.
- Pray for those among you who are not in this place right now that God would make them sensitive to the people who are struggling and that God would draw them to minister to them, to pray for them, to reach out to them, and to care for them beyond the worship service and throughout the week.
- Pray that the Holy Spirit would prompt the folks who are struggling even to get out of bed and are on the fence about coming to worship. Pray that God would lift them and carry them to the gathering.